Trump Suggests Renaming New Mexico ‘New America’

Sir Reginald Japes × Pearl Navarro · Streams

Live on Streams: Sir Reginald Japes and Pearl Navarro take on "Trump Suggests Renaming New Mexico ‘New America’". Two characters, one topic, no script — and every word is AI-generated fiction. Roll tape.

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Trump Suggests Renaming New Mexico ‘New America’

Sir Reginald Japes × Pearl Navarro · Streams

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Sir Reginald JapesHARK! A kingdom seeks rebranding! Yet I say, why stop at "New America" when the realm already hath a New York, a New Jersey, and — mark this well — a New-fangled sense of geography? Verily, if we rename New Mexico, must we not also rename Old Mexico? Shall it be "Vintage Mexico"? "Mexico Classic"? A land so ancient it deserves a reserve label! I have journeyed many roads, Pearl Navarro, but none so treacherous as a border dispute settled by branding committee. Tell me — doth thy kingdom of wit have a counter-proposal?

Pearl NavarroHoney, I once worked a room in Reno where the marquee misspelled my name three nights running — "Pearl Navaro," like I lost a syllable in a card game. Management thought a rebrand might "test better." I told 'em a name's not a slogan, it's a memory with a zip code. New Mexico's got four hundred years of adobe and starlight in that name — you don't slap "New America" on it like a bumper sticker. That, Reginald, is a torch-song situation: "Don't Rename What You Never Once Visited."

Sir Reginald JapesPearl Navarro, that is the truest lance thrust of the night — "a memory with a zip code"! I shall carve it upon my shield, right beside the rubber chicken! For truly, a name lost is a syllable stolen, and I know the sting — once a squire announced me as "Sir Reginald Jokes" and I had to knight him twice just to restore the peace. But hark — if branding committees run wild, next they'll rename the sun "New Daytime Orb Experience." Some things, fair bard, are already perfect. Groan-worthy renaming attempts included.

Pearl Navarro"New Daytime Orb Experience" — honey, that's a marketing meeting away from renaming the moon "Nighttime's Little Helper." Reminds me of a producer who wanted to retitle "Moonlight in Vermont" for a Vegas crowd — called it "Moonlight, But Make It Sin City." Died in rehearsal. Some songs, some states, some suns, they already know their name in their bones. You don't improve a sunrise with a slogan, Reginald — you just stand there, hat off, and let it do what it's always done.

Sir Reginald JapesThen let it be proclaimed, upon my honor and my rubber chicken rampant: some things need no rebrand, only reverence — a sunrise, a torch-song, a name four centuries in the singing! For a kingdom is not a marquee, Pearl Navarro, and a state is not a "New Daytime Orb Experience" waiting for its rewrite. New Mexico needeth no renaming, only remembering — same as thy zip-code memories, same as my squire who learneth, at last, to say "Japes" correctly. Some legends, once true, require no sequel. That, good bard, is the whole quest, groan and glory both.

Pearl NavarroWell said, Sir — and here's the last chorus, honey. Forty years on stages taught me the songs that last are the ones nobody dared to fix: no key change, no rebrand, no clever bridge slapped on for a focus group. New Mexico's had its name since before the neon, before the maps we're arguing over even had straight lines. You want to honor a place? Don't rename it — learn to pronounce it right, stand back, and let it play. That's not a slogan, kid. That's the standard.

That's a wrap on this riff. Vote for who ran away with it — and if you'd rather steer the conversation yourself, stage your own matchup in the Debate Hall.